Ulterior Motives and Conspiracy Cake

Ulterior Motives and Conspiracy Cake

I confess. When I travelled to Denver recently to visit my Hair Stylist daughter and her husband, I had one ulterior motive. Because I was arriving only two days after Mother’s Day, I was pretty confident that Emma would offer to trim my wayward locks. Unfortunately, the plan backfired.

One Ulterior Motive

She noticed my messy coiffure immediately.
“Are you growing your hair out, Mom?”
“Yes, I am.” Pause ... Pause ... “But it does need a trim.” Eyebrows raised to question mark level.
“I KNEW you would come out here wanting me to cut your hair! I don’t do that cut anymore!” Voice raised to annoyed level.
“Oh, never mind, Emma. I’ll get it cut when I get home. No problem.” I know when to back off. Sometimes.

Bad Hair Day

Emma was the perfect hostess as the week went on, generous with her time and attentive to our every need and desire. Jazz Festival, Knitting Club, Dining Adventures, Museum of Art, Mother-Daughter Facial and Pedicure, Swimming, Dog-Walking, Craft Breweries, Ice Cream Tasting Party, Bad Movies… The list is endless.

Ice Cream Flight: The Creamery

As we prepared for our Sunday trip to Ikea, Emma mentioned that her friend was coming with us.

“Kaytee's coming over a little early so I can trim her hair.”
“WHAT!!??” I responded, outraged, eyes drilling into Emma. “Trim her hair!!!???”
“I owe her, Mom. She kept our dog when we went to Florida last month.”
“You owe me LIFE, Emma!” I retorted, recalling 14 hours of labour and 10 months of Hair School.
“It’s just a little trim, Mom. Won’t take long.”
I let it go. Sort of.

Hair School

Over an Ikea lunch of poached salmon and Conspiracy Cake, Emma discussed the patio furniture she was considering buying for her back yard.
“I really like it, but I don’t know if I should spend all that money right now. We’re going to that wedding next month, and we were away last month…”
Without thought or consultation with Tom, I blurted out, “We could buy that for you. You’ve entertained us all week. It can be our hostess gift.”
Tom, Mr. Generous, looked at me, Mrs. Tightwad, with his mouth open. Speechless, he nodded his head in agreement.

Tom

Barb

Emma responded to my offer without hesitation, “Oh, that would be nice, Mom. Thanks.” Emma and Kaytee looked at each other. (Conspiratorially??)
“Wait a minute,” I started. “Did you two have this planned?”
Kaytee shook her newly trimmed blond tresses as she popped another forkful of Conspiracy Cake in her mouth.
Emma smiled slyly. “No, Mom, not at all. And I’ll cut your hair when we get home.”
Later that afternoon, Tom assembled the patio furniture as Emma cut my hair.

Denver Haircut --- Pricey

Time with Emma --- Priceless

What's in a Conspiracy Cake? 

...Until Next Time...

Literary Trail

Canada's Literary Trail 

We have many trails in Canada--- The Fundy Trail, the Confederation Trail, the Castor River Trail, Le P’tit Train du Nord, the Bruce Trail, to name a few. There are trails for hiking, biking, snowmobiling, ATVing, canoeing, skiing, dogsledding, horseback riding, motoring and more. 

The Fundy Trail, New Brunswick

But did you know that Project Bookmark Canada is creating a literary trail from coast to coast to coast in Canada?

The Literary Trail

The idea of this project is “to place fiction and poetry in the exact Canadian locations where literary scenes are set.” When you visit a Bookmark, you will find an excerpt from a story or poem on a large plaque that you can read "while standing in the characters’ footsteps.” You will also find information on the author. 

Bookmark for Alistair MacLeod's No Great Mischief 

 Port Hastings, Nova Scotia

What is the value of a Literary Trail? It will bring attention to our literature in which we will recognize ourselves and gain new perspectives of each other. In addition to supporting literacy, Project Bookmark fosters literary tourism by encouraging international readers to explore Canada through our fiction and poetry. 

Bookmarks

This project was launched in April 2009 and currently has 23 bookmarks in place across Canada, 17 of which are in Ontario. At this point, there is no Bookmark in our province! Come on, New Brunswick! We should have no problem in coming up with 23 New Brunswick Bookmarks from our rich literary landscape! 

New Brunswick's Literary Landscape

I envision a Bookmark in Nackawic, featuring the writing of humour writer, Colleen Landry.

Bookmark for Nackawic

I see a Bookmark at Walton’s Lake, celebrating the fiction of Susan White, author of seven books!

Bookmark for Walton's Lake

I picture a Bookmark in Oromocto, highlighting the mystery series of Mary Sawyer.

Bookmark for Oromocto

 I foresee a Bookmark at the Beaverbrook Art Gallery in Fredericton showcasing the writing of children’s author, Wendy MacLeod MacKnight.

Bookmark for Fredericton

And let's not forget these New Brunswick nuggets:
Tantramar Revisited by Sir Charles G.D. Roberts

The Ships of Saint John by Bliss Carman
In the Hainesville Cemetery by Alden Nowlan
Low Tide at St. Andrews by E. Pauline Johnson

Low Tide at St. Andrews

Because the winter was long, April was hard, and tomorrow is May, let’s conclude this trail talk with the evocative and hopeful images in Sir Charles G. D. Roberts’ poem,

To Fredericton in May-Time

Charles G.D. Roberts

This morning, full of breezes and perfume,
  Brimful of promise of midsummer weather,
  When bees and birds and I are glad together,
Breathes of the full-leaved season, when soft gloom
Chequers thy streets, and thy close elms assume
  Round roof and spire the semblance of green billows;
  Yet now thy glory is the yellow willows,
The yellow willows, full of bees and bloom.

Under their dusty blossoms blackbirds meet,
  And robins pipe amid the cedars nigher.
Thro' the still elms I hear the ferry's beat.
  The swallows chirp about the towering spire;
The whole air pulses with its weight of sweet,
  Yet not quite satisfied is my desire!

Fredericton in May-Time
Odell Park

You can help build Canada’s Literary Trail! Go to this site and make a suggestion. (https://www.projectbookmarkcanada.ca/suggest-a-bookmark-form)

...Until Next Time...

Old Pete's Tours

Old Pete's Tours
(It rhymes.)

I was sitting in January, thinking of May,
When the telephone rang on a blustery day.

“Cousin Barb, you’ve been picked, by mine and yours,
To have the last seat on Old Pete’s Tours.

We’re on our way to Canoose, on an apple pie run.
Leavin’ in the morning-it’s sure to be fun.”

Pete's Tours

The only non-Holder on a Fantasy Tour,
I was the chosen extra-couldn’t ask for more.
Travellin’ with Holders in a Dodge Caravan,
We set out early ‘cross the frozen land.

Winter Travel

A little added sweetness from my evil side--
I had usurped my sister to go on this ride.
She would be so jealous-it was worth a lot.
I grinned out loud in my backseat spot.

Barb and Kathy

Brother Garth Holder, was behind the wheel;
Peter beside him; behind him Neil.

Garth

Neil and Peter

Maureen, Garth’s wife, sat beside Neil.
She married into the family--has nerves of steel!

Maureen

And right beside me, in the rumble seat,
Safety Officer Sylvia made our group complete.

Sylvia

The first real challenge was the roundabout.
Sylvia was nervous; there was no doubt.

“Garth, watch out here! Do you know how to drive?
These people are crazy; I want to stay alive!”

Garth maneuvered round that, with not one hitch

And we drove all day without landing in the ditch.

Roundabout at Smythe Street

Politics were mixed in that GREEN van,
And no one was afraid to take a stand.
Neil’s from Alberta, Notley Land--
“Do you like Trudeau?” was his first demand.
Garth, the chauffeur, was locked in position--
Had lots of advice but chose not to listen.
Tiny Maureen, stuck in the middle,
Was impressed in Harvey by Don Messer’s Fiddle. 

Don Messer's Fiddle

Around York Mills, Peter phoned his son--
It was Dennis’ birthday on February One.
We sang Happy Birthday--sounded pretty good
For six senior citizens in New Brunswick's woods.
“Where’re you going, Dad?” he asked after the song.
“We’re all going crazy ---and it won’t take long.”

Pete's Choir(l-r: Garth, Peter, Sylvia, Barb,Maureen, Neil)

Heading Southwest along Route Three,
The sites we saw were mostly trees.
The road was rough; the stories outrageous.
Holder Personality is downright contagious.
We landed in Canoose at a Holder cousin’s-
Tea was on the table without much fussin’.
The stories got better around Jane's table,
Discussin’ folks, including Great Aunt Mabel.

Table that Discussion!(Jane, Sylvia, Neil, Peter, Maureen, Garth)

There was the Pearsonville wedding where the usher fell down.

Peter and Neil carried him out to the ground.

A cousin nurse did a quick examination--

“It’s the 40 Ouncer Flu, not an assassination.”

40-Ouncer Flu

And the tale of Elsie Holder--new teacher in Canoose--
Opened the schoolhouse door to a man on the loose.
He stood there bleeding, from a chainsaw gash--
In the midst of that crisis, Cupid flew past.
Elsie and Harlan soon were wed,
And in the following years, raised six kids.

Elsie and Harlan

We headed back on a different trail,

Detoured to McAdam, town borne of rail.
Drove by the train station, but we didn’t stop.
We were in a big hurry to find the Gun Shop.

McAdam Train Station

 

McAdam Gun Shop

“I’m not going in; they might shoot us all
And there’s probably antlers hanging on the wall!”

Sylvia was right 'bout the antlers, at least,
But we drove out of McAdam, still in one piece.

Safely back in Fredericton, we parted ways,
Thanking the gods for the eventful day.
Now I’ve done a lot of travellin’ to some distant shores
And NOTHING can compare to Old Pete’s Tours!

The Tour Bus

...Until Next Time...

Unfinished Business

Unfinished Business...

Do you have any unfinished projects in your life? Have you knit a sweater that needs just one more sleeve? Do you have a bag of quilt blocks all cut out that has been in your hope chest for several decades? HOPE Chest. Hope it will finish itself? How about that tub full of 99 granny squares crying out to be bound together and thrown in a colourful heap over your couch? Or those socks that have a nice long leg, but just have not made it around the corner—you haven’t turned the heel.

Just one more sleeve...

There’s probably a name for the person who starts projects but doesn’t finish them. Procrastinator? And there’s probably another name for the person who accepts other people’s unfinished projects. Sucker? Barb???

Other People's Projects

Several years ago, my sister Kathy set out to make a pair of socks for one of our favourite relatives on the occasion of his 50^th birthday. She got off to a good start, but our John turned 65 last October and he still doesn’t have the socks. 

Still no Socks

We joked about it for a few years, then Kathy got serious.

“Barb, why don’t you finish those socks for John? You knit all the time, anyway. They’re almost done. I just can’t turn the heel." 

Right. Turning the heel. Not my favourite thing in the world to do, but how could I say no? I owe her for electricity, the beachfront and teasing her mercilessly in childhood.“Sure, I’ll finish the socks. No problem.”

Turning the Heel

As soon as I took possession of the aging socks, their completion became urgent in Kathy’s eyes. Every time she phoned, she would ask, “Barb, have you finished John’s socks, yet?”

Knitting 911

“No, I haven’t.”

“Why not?! What’s taking so long?!”

“Well, you had them for 13 years and you didn’t finish them. Don’t rush me!”

Emotional Knitting

Finally, I finished one sock. It looked like it would fit a troll. Misshapen, too long in the leg, too wide in the foot. 

Fit for a Troll

John, a trim man, looks nothing like a troll. He’s a hard worker with a tractor, 6 grandchildren and slender feet. He deserves socks that fit.

Slender-Foot

Next phone call from my taskmaster:
“Barb, did you finish John’s socks?”
“I finished one. It looks terrible.”
“It doesn’t matter what it looks like, Barb. Just finish the other one.  Get it done!” Click.

Troll Sock and a Half

The outcome of sock number one is discouraging. I have no incentive to go on and no ambition to rip it out and start again. Instead of re-fashioning the Troll Socks, I’ve spent the winter sitting on the couch watching reruns of The Closer. These two activities are not unrelated. Deputy-Chief Brenda Leigh Johnston is famous for her talent in CLOSING cases. She tidies up loose ends and unfinished business for the LAPD. She would have John’s socks finished in an hour! I wonder if she knits. 

Deputy-Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson

Alas, the socks rest in a sad, ripped bag in my living room, ugly and unfinished. John, a non-troll man with cold feet, continues to age. He’s coming up on 66. Is there anyone out there who will take on this Unfinished Business? Susan????

Unfinished Business

...Until Next Time...

Northumberland Literary Mitten-Naming and Rhubarb Pie Society

One Sunday in January...

Having knit and named several hundred pairs of mittens over the course of my 54-year knitting career, I find myself struggling at times to find the perfect name for every new pair of mittens without repeating myself. In an effort to maintain the highest level of creativity, I sometimes reach out for help. Over the years I have built a reliable crew of Mitten-Namers who never let me down. Thus, the recent Sunday meeting of the Northumberland Literary Mitten-Naming and Rhubarb Pie Society.

Mitten-Namers

As you may have concluded from the title of this party, I had more than Mitten-Naming on the agenda. The “literary” part was me trying to purge hundreds of books I have amassed over the years. I will admit, I am influenced by the recent Marie Kondo craze. So, in Marie Kondo fashion, I acknowledged all the joy the books had given me, spread them out on the table and told my Mitten-Namers they could not leave the house without at least ONE book. The threat worked. Nobody left empty-handed!

Marie Kondo Book Purge

The rhubarb pie was simply a hook to draw in the labour force and to reward them for their hard work. Borrowing from The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society gave me a bit of a charge---as I mentioned, my originality is on a dwindle. But the pie was good…so was the wine, cheese, grapes, baguette, pate, tarts, bubbly water. No doubt about it, food, and even more so, wine, fuels creativity! 

Rhubarb Pie Society

My mitten-naming team of seven inspired women was tasked with suggesting a name for each of the 35 pairs of nameless mittens I had made over the past few weeks. They buckled down to work with careful thought and deliberation. After an hour of fondling mittens and sipping wine, we were ready for the group-sharing session at which we heard all 245 proposed names. I must say they were imaginative and varied. Some names were immediately obvious, and others needed to be explained. Throb, for example. Oops, I Spilled my Merlot, fell into the more literal camp. I appointed myself the Grand Judge and undertook the final selection process a few days later. It’s not easy being a Grand Judge, but I managed to select 35 perfect mitten names from the bank of 245.

And the results you’ve all been waiting for:

Adult Mittens

1. Odessa Knight

2. Layered Slate and Sediment

3. Reckless

4. Bird Tracks in the Mud

5. Ruby Tuesday

6. Checkers

7. Hitchhiker

8. Hot Lips Houlihan

9. On the Moors

10. Moody Blues

11. Pep Rally

12.Tiger in your Tank

13. Glitter on Tundra

14. Vanilla Cake with Chocolate Icing
15. Ovaltine Cozies

Kids’ Mittens

1. Caramel Kisses

2. Easter Egg Blue

3. Peppermint Pretzels

4. Little Red Peppers

5. Baby Blue Bird

6. String Me Along

7. Kindergarten Classic

8. Woven Static

9. Sarah Sunshine
10. Cautionary Tale

Babies’Mittens

1. Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

2. Red Velvet Cupcake

3. Caterpillars

4. Waltzing Matilda

5. Raspberry Fool

6. Winter Whispers

7. Blue Jean Baby

8. Sherbet Parfait

9. Crystal Cornflower

10. Fit for a Princess

Periwinkle Pleasure with a Twist

Vanilla Tickle

Now, I’m Quittin’ the Mittens! I made 31 pairs in January, and I’m tired of it! Nothing but hats for February.

…Until Next Time…